Trending Buffalo Exclusive!
Even though there are still 3 meaningless games left in the 2016 season, the Bills are already looking to next year. Trending Buffalo has received a “leaked” copy of a letter that the Bills will send out to their season ticket holders in the off-season. We thought our readers might want to get a head start on the ensuing excitement.
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Dear Bills Fan,
While 2016 didn’t go the way we planned, we’re excited to announce that we’re already “In the Hunt” in 2017. We’ll fire a bunch of people and bring in a new attitude, including a coach whose name your mom will recognize. We’ll continue as an organization to strategize and focus on our single goal, which is to be “In the Hunt” each and every December.
By February, you’ll have already forgotten about the abysmal season you just watched and you’ll be ready for the draft. And, while you’ll hate the selection we make in the first round, you’ll read some articles and convince yourself that he can be the next Joe Montana or Jahri Evans (because it will probably be a guard).
So, get pumped! Here’s our can’t miss, 7-point plan for 2017. (7, for the number of wins we anticipate)
- Hope to God Tom Brady dies peacefully – or retires, or something.
- We’ll start an exhaustive, nationwide search for our next franchise quarterback. No stone will be left unturned as we ensure that the most important position on the roster is filled with a winner. To be honest, that winner could very well be EJ or Cardale, so they’ll have every opportunity to win the job that is only open to them. (Get your jerseys now!)
- Been hearing things about “forward passing.” While it seems unconventional, (you don’t know where that crazy oblong ball is gonna go once it’s in the air) we’ll take a look at this method of moving the ball in one of our mini camps.
- I know fans are frustrated about the number of injuries we face every year, so we’re going to get a bunch of body parts and store them on ice in case we need a patella tendon or an outer meniscus. Our players will have access to these parts on a first come, first serve basis.
- Our entire organization is so excited but we can’t tell you everything, so here’s a hint: Do you love undersized, but super-fast receivers???!!
- Kyle Williams will be back. We know how much you love watching big #95 sack the quarterback!
- We’re raising ticket prices!
Thanks for staying “in the hunt” with us, each and every year. With great fans like you, we don’t need competence!
Sincerely,
The Bills
