5 Dumbest Things In Buffalo- April 4, 2013

Toshiro Mifune’s life motto is YOLT.

5. Complaining About Fans Booing

You know the Sabres are terrible, right? I get complaining about people booing when the team scores goals and such. Or when they are on a ten game win streak. This is not the case. The Sabres are an abomination of athletic skill. They are bad. We are all agreed that they are bad. When you are bad at sports (like SUPER bad, you guys) you get booed. You sound like a dorknozzle when you complain about people vocalizing how bad the situation is.

This team builds frustration in people. It is an anti-team. All it does is poison us like the pink slime in Ghostbusters II. It hurts us EMOTIONALLY. If this team can’t be booed, I say we start punching people who tell us we can’t boo.

Somethings got to give – your face or sound waves. You pick.

4. Arguing About Booing At All

We are the most unlikeable sports city in America.

3. Still Going to These Games

Just take your money and fire it out of a howitzer at the wealthy. It’s more rewarding.

2. Now Our School Kids Are Failing At Being Not Fat

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN’T FAIL AT? WE ARE PRIMO AT FAIL. COME AT US, DOWNSTATE!

1. Getting Love For Never Changing

I don’t necessarily hate this but come on, people. I’m excited that folks who are professionals at examining things that are old and out of date love our city. And they come here and are basically like “Wow, you have more old and out-of-date stuff than any place else. You guys are the best!” This is like winning first place in the “least advanced” category.

Archaeologists would be pretty excited to find an entire city still living like the ancient Greeks, too. Or to find a complete tribe of indigenous people hanging out in the desert. These folks who are experts of old out-of-date stuff have found us.

Great.