For as long as critics (both external and home-grown) have put Buffalo down, our civic organizations and various spokespeople have tried to come up with ways to tout the “real” reasons that living in Buffalo is such a great idea. We’re talking proud. We’re coming back. We were the darling location of bright-eyed architects 125 years ago.
The problem is that all these replies never come out and say the obvious: People who live in Buffalo are crazy like foxes. We live here for reasons that official representatives, like the CVB or The Partnership or maybe our next mayor, just can’t say out loud or put in their PowerPoint presentations. But we can. So, off the top of our head, here are seven “real” reasons we’re all super geniuses for calling Buffalo home. Welcome to Mensa.
Global warming.
Downtown Atlanta, 2020
Some people don’t believe in global warming. Whatever. Facts are that the climate is getting more screwed up, the ocean front is coming this way, and it doesn’t really snow here anymore. Odds are it’s pretty smart to plunk down some money on Buffalo real estate before China decides it wants to move here.
You dominate.
Bring. It. On.
Buffalo is a small pond. If you wear pants or put on lipstick, you’re already a 1 percenter. Raise your kids here and there’s an 85% chance they will set a school record at something before graduating. If you live in Buffalo, you stride the streets like a superhero.
Your mom.
Pumpkin pie? Don’t mind if I do.
As the saying goes, Buffalo would be the biggest city in the country if everybody just moved back. If you live here, it’s a virtual lock that your mom already lives here, too. And that means you need never worry about child care or holiday dinners again.
We’ve bottomed out.
Plywood window storefronts now proven not to attract customers.
Urban sprawl, check. Political indecision and economic decline, yup. 96 years without a major sport championship and counting. Yes sir, we have sprayed the target, and when you’ve exhausted all the bad ideas the only ones left have to be better. Regression to the mean, you have never looked so fine.
Houses cost a dollar. Really.
Starting offer, 80¢.
Yeah, this house is just one of the one dollar houses that have sold or are on sale for one American Dollar. In San Francisco or Boston, the same home would go for like $4, easy.
We finally have a quarterback.
The NFL is a quarterback league. And it looks like we might actually have one this time. But don’t just take our word for it — see here, and here, and here.
If you don’t move here we will shoot your mom and take you anyway.
Just ask this little guy or the CVB. When it comes to getting our numbers back up, we do not screw around.
