Drafting Connor McDavid is Boring

On Saturday, the Sabres will win either Connor McDavid or Jack Eichel. Most people think we’ll get Eichel. Some people think we’ll get McDavid. I think we should get both.

Yawn!

What kind of idiot wouldn’t take both McDavid and Eichel? Sure, one of them is good, but it’s not like both of them wouldn’t be better. We lost games on purpose for two years. Shouldn’t we try to get better?

I know what you’re thinking, “Greg, the Sabres will only have one of the top two picks. Not both.” Well, if you don’t think it’s a good idea to get both McDavid and Eichel, you obviously haven’t been watching hockey very long. McDavid and Eichel are both very good. I’d like the Sabres to have both of them. I can’t understand why more people haven’t mentioned this as an option.

If your problem isn’t that you don’t think the Sabres should get both McDavid and Eichel but that you think it’s not possible for them to get both McDavid and Eichel, I’d like to disagree with you. The greatest hockey player of all time was traded in his prime. Anything can happen.

It’s all contingent on the Sabres winning the draft lottery and the rights to draft Connor McDavid #1. Getting Jack Eichel from team #2 is possible. Here’s my plan:

1. Win the lottery.
2. Offer the team with the second pick:

• Rasmus Ristolainen
• Nikita Zadorov
• Sam Reinhart
• Zemgus Girgensons
• Our next 8 first-round draft picks
• Whatever else they want (other than McDavid)

I think it’s a fair offer. Losing your pair of cornerstone defensemen will hurt, but so does losing every meaningful game you’ve ever played for 45 years. With McDavid and Eichel, you don’t need Sam Reinhart. Dylan Strome can be your third-line center.

Crap. I forgot to mention. We’re also trading up to get Dylan Strome. Here’s my plan:

1. Do all of the stuff already mentioned.
2. Give the team with the third pick:

• Nicholas Baptiste
• Jake McCabe
• Mikhail Grigorenko
• That other first-round pick we have this year that I forgot about
• Our next 5 second-round draft picks
• Whatever else they want (other than McDavid and Eichel)

Why you hatin’ on Paille?

As for giving up eight straight years of first-round draft picks, I’m fine with it. You have two this year, and they’re supposed to be pretty good. Based on history, at least four of your first-round picks in the next eight years will never be heard from, so you’re really only giving up two first-round draft picks. You don’t need the second-round picks because you’ll have third-round picks and a billionaire owner.

Right now you’re saying, “Greg, you’re a stupid idiot and I hate you. The team that can draft Jack Eichel isn’t even picking up the phone.” Well, you’re wrong. The caller ID will say “Buffalo Sabres.” They’ll think you’re calling them to offer a McDavid-for-Eichel trade. That’s when you bull them over (is it “bull” or “bowl”? I like “bull”) by saying, “Hey, how would you like our first-round draft pick for the next eight years along with our two best young defensemen?” They’re not going to hang up the phone. Then, you throw all of that other stuff in.

Sure, you need more than two players to win a Stanley Cup. The good news is, you have more than two players. You’ve got, like, nine. The rest, you can sign. Get a bunch of Dan Pailles. I like Dan Paille. What have you got against Dan Paille?