(Editor’s note: Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes some football picks. Why does he call it the “War of 1812 Football Prognostication”? He likes history, he’s Canadian, and it probably has something to do with those two facts. That’s all we’ve got.)
Sunday, January 18, 2015
3:05 pm Eastern Standard Time
Green Bay Packers @ SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-7.5) 47
{ 12-4, 4-4 Away } { 12-4, 7-1 Home }
Congratulations to the Packers & Seahawks for advancing & to the NFL for scheduling this game at 12:05 pm Pacific Standard Time. Heaven forbid the game on the West Coast would be played second on “Championship” Sunday which would be too logical for the NFL. The Shield always espouses “The Integrity of the Game” as being paramount, but it will always come second to having the “Golden Boy” & the Patriots game slipping into “Ratings” Nirvana early Sunday evening.
The Packers got here with their victory over the Cowgirls last week in Lambeau behind the gritty, measured leadership of their one and half legged quarterback and the omnipresent spectacle of “Lawyer Ball” that the NFL has wrought upon us through the continuing takeover of the game by instant replay.
Of course, employing the looking glass of common sense, Dez Bryant’s catch should have counted last week and the Cowbabies would likely have defeated the Pack. Summarily, the previous week, the Lions should have had a first down instead of that infamous strange reversal. Ndamukong Suh being dragged to the ground would also have been called a holding penalty on fourth down. Calvin Johnson’s original non-catch a couple years ago that led to the clarification of this rule would never have happened.
Taking the common sense theme further, …… The NFL would have taken better care of its ex-players the second irrefutable evidence surfaced of occupational brain damage, ….. Al Gore would have been declared the winner in Florida & Osama Bin Laden would have moved into the family engineering & oil business and been happy being another undeserving and filthy rich Bedouin polygamist.
Regardless, The Cowboys will get no sympathy from the people of Detroit. There is only one salutation appropriate for Lions’ fans to send to the grieving Jerry Jones:
Karma can be a Bitch!
{ Although we’re pretty sure that is not one of the Nine Virtues attributed to the Gautama Buddha }
Green Bay is a .500 team on the road, going into Seattle with Long John Silver at QB, hobbling around the pocket on one good leg. Not the healthiest situation having Aaron Rodgers trying to direct an offense featuring a lot of young receivers in the cacophonous din of that overly moist outdoor Insane Asylum.
Seattle continues to roll, all the way to Phoenix & their second Super Bowl appearance in a row.
Pick: SEAHAWKS (-7.5)
Bob: Green Bay +7.5
6:40 pm Eastern Standard Time
Indianapolis Colts @ NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-7.5) 54
{ 11-5, 5-3 Away } { 12-4, 7-1 Home }
The conventional wisdom says this could be a real dud of a game bleeding into Prime Time as a disappointing blowout. Golden Boy Brady, Bill the Brain & Gronkenstein are relishing the opportunity to clobber the young, flawed & overachieving Colts. Almost nobody is giving them a chance to win in Foxborough.
The biggest questions being asked this weekend.
1.) Will the Patriots call a running play in the second half of this game?
2.) Can Andrew Luck continue the Colts’ road winning streak?
3.) Will the NFL get their dream match-up of Brady-Rodgers?
4.) Is the money Colts’ owner Jim Irsay saved by not resigning Peyton Manning being kept in a burlap sack, safely stored on the passenger seat of his SUV?
We see Andrew Luck continuing to outshine the old opposing quarterbacks of the NFL. The Indy defense probably isn’t good enough to stop the Patriots’ final winning drive behind GQ Brady, but they will keep it closer than people expect.
Pick: Colts (+7.5)
Bob: Colts +7.5
